Tuesday, November 2, 2010
M.I.A.
I haven't been on here in quite a while. I've been busy with working at Forver 21 and being a full-time student. Crazy thing is I don't have Internet at home either. I'm basically cut off from the cyber world. That is the reason why I feel out of place with life. Not because I don't have Internet but because I've had time to sit with my own thoughts. Even though I'm 19, I find my self in a place of dealing with my demons. Honestly, I hate it. Dealing with the choices I've made continues to be hard. It's not getting any better not really having anyone to depend on. I say that because every human has their own demons and baggage to deal with. Why would someone want to hear my sob story and attempt to make a way for me? I have my mom and sister. Their amazing but I refuse to place my burden on them; make them worry.
In addition, I'm in my second year of college, I'm applying to schools so I can transfer. I'm scared. I've worked so hard this past year to get to where I am today but I did encounter many obstacles. I'm scared I won't get accepted and feel like a failure again when I was in high school. I have the grades, I'm on honor roll, I work, I have an amazing personality, I'm balancing out alot but I still feel it isn't good enough for the assholes reading my application. I feel burnt out. I feel like my energy to continue on with school is slowly being sucked away from me. Fall 2009, I was geeked for school, now I don't mind missing class or lagging on assignments. I have the potential, I'm a smart girl but I still feel that I'm lost. I don't know exactly what I want to do in life. I mean, I want to be a journalist but I feel like something is missing. Weird, eh? I feel like I don't have control over my life anymore, that I'm striving from something that my heart isn't into anymore.
Then again, I have been feeling quite lonely. I have been holding resentment and hate within. For instance, I resent my father, I resent my ex-boyfriend, I resent all the fuckers who fucked me over. Who I gave my all to and hurt me beyond my breaking point. This resentment has lead to hate. I'm not the type of person to hate, I believe in peace and love. When someone has hurt me, it's hard for me to follow my own beliefs. If I could stab my ex-boyfriend in the heart and see him fail, I would adore it. Sounds crazy but thats how I feel. When I see him around school, I want to vomit because I still don't understand why I settled for someone who was below my radar, not my type, or even close to the type of guy I would ever sleep with. Sadly, I did. Had my glory moment but when I think about it now, it makes me sick. Yes, I'm not in the peachy mood. This is my outlet to vent, to get every fucking thing off my chest.
Oh, lets not forget my battle with religion. I've kept this battle secret for the past year. No one knows. I'm going through my stage of enlightenment to say the least. I want to see what else is in the world. To most they would consider that wrong. I'm the type of person who believes in love, peace, and equality. I love gay people. I support gay marriage. I'm pro choice. If a girl wants to get an abortion, that's her choice. I don't see pre-martial sex as wrong. I think it's better to have sex before marriage because when you have it with your husband you won't be disappointed. I believe in birth control. I believe that everyone is a sinner and the bible holds extreme rules for Christians to live by. I break a rule everyday but I don't repent because I know will do it the next day. It's hard because I come from a family of believers. I mean, I believe in God but I do live by my own beliefs. I believe in things Christians disagree with. I feel horrible about it which is why I've distanced myself from my church. I don't know where I am, what I want, what will happen in the future.
I will admit, I feel 10x better about writing all this shit I've kept inside for these past months.
xoxo, Rae.
In addition, I'm in my second year of college, I'm applying to schools so I can transfer. I'm scared. I've worked so hard this past year to get to where I am today but I did encounter many obstacles. I'm scared I won't get accepted and feel like a failure again when I was in high school. I have the grades, I'm on honor roll, I work, I have an amazing personality, I'm balancing out alot but I still feel it isn't good enough for the assholes reading my application. I feel burnt out. I feel like my energy to continue on with school is slowly being sucked away from me. Fall 2009, I was geeked for school, now I don't mind missing class or lagging on assignments. I have the potential, I'm a smart girl but I still feel that I'm lost. I don't know exactly what I want to do in life. I mean, I want to be a journalist but I feel like something is missing. Weird, eh? I feel like I don't have control over my life anymore, that I'm striving from something that my heart isn't into anymore.
Then again, I have been feeling quite lonely. I have been holding resentment and hate within. For instance, I resent my father, I resent my ex-boyfriend, I resent all the fuckers who fucked me over. Who I gave my all to and hurt me beyond my breaking point. This resentment has lead to hate. I'm not the type of person to hate, I believe in peace and love. When someone has hurt me, it's hard for me to follow my own beliefs. If I could stab my ex-boyfriend in the heart and see him fail, I would adore it. Sounds crazy but thats how I feel. When I see him around school, I want to vomit because I still don't understand why I settled for someone who was below my radar, not my type, or even close to the type of guy I would ever sleep with. Sadly, I did. Had my glory moment but when I think about it now, it makes me sick. Yes, I'm not in the peachy mood. This is my outlet to vent, to get every fucking thing off my chest.
Oh, lets not forget my battle with religion. I've kept this battle secret for the past year. No one knows. I'm going through my stage of enlightenment to say the least. I want to see what else is in the world. To most they would consider that wrong. I'm the type of person who believes in love, peace, and equality. I love gay people. I support gay marriage. I'm pro choice. If a girl wants to get an abortion, that's her choice. I don't see pre-martial sex as wrong. I think it's better to have sex before marriage because when you have it with your husband you won't be disappointed. I believe in birth control. I believe that everyone is a sinner and the bible holds extreme rules for Christians to live by. I break a rule everyday but I don't repent because I know will do it the next day. It's hard because I come from a family of believers. I mean, I believe in God but I do live by my own beliefs. I believe in things Christians disagree with. I feel horrible about it which is why I've distanced myself from my church. I don't know where I am, what I want, what will happen in the future.
I will admit, I feel 10x better about writing all this shit I've kept inside for these past months.
xoxo, Rae.
Saturday, July 17, 2010
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
My show is over!
Last night the season finale of "Teen Mom' aired. I didn't want it to end because I find these girls quite interesting. For two months, I've watched these girls deal with major stress issues I couldn't even image dealing with. To be honest, I would've stabbed the father of my child if I had to put up with a dudes foolishness!
Since it's over, now it's time for my blunt opinion of the girls:
Maci:
I feel that Maci is one of the few who is actually strong willed. To deal with Ryan shows how much she truely loves Bentley, who is the cutest boy I've seen on this earth. I wanted their relationship to work because they make such a great couple. After a few episodes, I wanted Maci to dump Ryan for the piece of shit he is. [Pardon my language] Ryan and Maci's family were trying so hard to make their relationship legit but Ryan doesn't care about anything. Honestly, I feel that Ryan is taking Maci and Bentley for granted due to his immaturety. I respect that after all the mess Ryan puts Maci through she's refains from speaking bad about him, she always sugarcoats the bluntness that needs to flow from her mouth!
Amber:
My favorite narotic mess! A lot of people continue to critize Amber and I've read plenty of blogs calling her all sorts of names. I understand why she's annoyed with Gary. It's the same situation with Ryan. Gary and Ryan NEVER show their feelings and keep everything within. I guess that's a guy thing but at times I felt Amber was a nagging hag. Gary was working, going to school, paying the bills and giving her a place to lay her head. Then again why would a girl want to move from being a dependent to her parents to her boyfriend? When Amber went out to look for her own apartment and look for jobs, I was cheering for her. It always help to have a sense of independence and she did! I hope Amber and Gary get back together, create a healthy relationship and raise that precious baby, Leah! Gosh, these couple made beautiful babies. In addition, I felt for Gary in the finale when he was talking to his mother about when he fist heard Leah's heartbeat and when times were good with Amber.
Farrah:
Now, I will admit I'm guilty of being hard of Farrah. Today I just found out the father of Sophia died in a car accident in Dec. 2008. I felt so bad because I can understand why Farrah would want to keep that information secret. Her mother, Debra, truely loves baby Sophia. Farrah is blessed that her parents is willing to help out Farrah while she's in school. Then again throughout the season Farrah did have moments of being very rude towards her parents. I just hope nothing but the best for Farrah.
Catelynn:
The luckiest girl on earth to have Tyler! Since the beginning I felt that Catelynn and Tyler made the right decision for their child. I couldn't imagine how hard it is to hand your child over to another couple and loose ties.Throughout the series you see that Carlie is happy with her new parents and will have a great life. In the end, they made the right decison and I wish that MTV would air their wedding! Overall, I felt they had the best ending.
I wonder why Ebony and Whitney didn't do "Teen Mom"
Since it's over, now it's time for my blunt opinion of the girls:
Maci:
I feel that Maci is one of the few who is actually strong willed. To deal with Ryan shows how much she truely loves Bentley, who is the cutest boy I've seen on this earth. I wanted their relationship to work because they make such a great couple. After a few episodes, I wanted Maci to dump Ryan for the piece of shit he is. [Pardon my language] Ryan and Maci's family were trying so hard to make their relationship legit but Ryan doesn't care about anything. Honestly, I feel that Ryan is taking Maci and Bentley for granted due to his immaturety. I respect that after all the mess Ryan puts Maci through she's refains from speaking bad about him, she always sugarcoats the bluntness that needs to flow from her mouth!
Amber:
My favorite narotic mess! A lot of people continue to critize Amber and I've read plenty of blogs calling her all sorts of names. I understand why she's annoyed with Gary. It's the same situation with Ryan. Gary and Ryan NEVER show their feelings and keep everything within. I guess that's a guy thing but at times I felt Amber was a nagging hag. Gary was working, going to school, paying the bills and giving her a place to lay her head. Then again why would a girl want to move from being a dependent to her parents to her boyfriend? When Amber went out to look for her own apartment and look for jobs, I was cheering for her. It always help to have a sense of independence and she did! I hope Amber and Gary get back together, create a healthy relationship and raise that precious baby, Leah! Gosh, these couple made beautiful babies. In addition, I felt for Gary in the finale when he was talking to his mother about when he fist heard Leah's heartbeat and when times were good with Amber.
Farrah:
Now, I will admit I'm guilty of being hard of Farrah. Today I just found out the father of Sophia died in a car accident in Dec. 2008. I felt so bad because I can understand why Farrah would want to keep that information secret. Her mother, Debra, truely loves baby Sophia. Farrah is blessed that her parents is willing to help out Farrah while she's in school. Then again throughout the season Farrah did have moments of being very rude towards her parents. I just hope nothing but the best for Farrah.
Catelynn:
The luckiest girl on earth to have Tyler! Since the beginning I felt that Catelynn and Tyler made the right decision for their child. I couldn't imagine how hard it is to hand your child over to another couple and loose ties.Throughout the series you see that Carlie is happy with her new parents and will have a great life. In the end, they made the right decison and I wish that MTV would air their wedding! Overall, I felt they had the best ending.
I wonder why Ebony and Whitney didn't do "Teen Mom"
Saturday, January 23, 2010
Expensive isn't always better
It's been raining in SoCal for the past week. Finally, today, the weather was normal. Sun-shining, air fresh and perfect time to shop! I normally shop everywhere, I mean everywhere. I was in downtown near the Santee Alley around the boutiques. My mom spotted these black rain-boots with a silver studded belt that made the boots look like motorcycle boots. Then I started saying in my head, "these boots look familiar." The previous night before I was on shopnastygal.com , a vintage website and I saw the same boots online. Online they were $46.00 before shipping and handling. I got the boots for $24.00 with tax. Basically, I got a deal.
Here are my new rain-boots.
Friday, January 22, 2010
McQueen is out of this world.
Alexander McQueen S/S/ 2010 Ad Campaign. This picture is out of this world.
Below are a few "ready to wear" pieces from McQueen's S/S 2010 Collection.
These are my favorites pieces to be honest.
Photographer: Nick Knight
These are my favorites pieces to be honest.
Photographer: Nick Knight
Outfit Lady Gaga wore in the "Bad Romance" video
Awards
My lovely chica Diana insisted on giving me an award and I was beyond happy.
The rules are to list ten things that make you happy and do one of them today. Also, link to the person who tagged you and pass it on to 10 other happy people .
Here are my Top 10 things:
1. God, my religion, my faith.
2. My unpredictable family, I love you all.
3. Pixie, my doggie.
4. High GPA. Getting A's and B's!
5. My friends.
6. Having money in my pocket
7. Getting my nails done with intense nail designs.
8. Shopping
9. Dancing
10. Music
I pass this on to:
Diana
The rules are to list ten things that make you happy and do one of them today. Also, link to the person who tagged you and pass it on to 10 other happy people .
Here are my Top 10 things:
1. God, my religion, my faith.
2. My unpredictable family, I love you all.
3. Pixie, my doggie.
4. High GPA. Getting A's and B's!
5. My friends.
6. Having money in my pocket
7. Getting my nails done with intense nail designs.
8. Shopping
9. Dancing
10. Music
I pass this on to:
Diana
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Let's get Serious.
I'm a faithful viewer of "Teen Mom," after watching season one of "16 & Pregnant" I was interested in these girls lives. Last night I was watching the new episode of "Teen Mom," a commercial break comes on and what is aired? Season two of "16 & Pregnant." At first I was excited because it's new stories, new girls, new drama but then I stopped myself. The first season of "16 & Pregnant" told the stories of six girls, season two there's ten! I thought the point of "16 & Pregnant" was to show girls the truth and struggle behind being a teenage mother. Obviously, I was wrong. I thought girls throughout the U.S. would think twice and learn from Maci, Amber, Catelynn, Farrah, Ebony and Whitney. Being a mother brings a massive amount of responsiblities. In my opinion being a mother means filling the shoes of my own mother, which I know for a fact I couldn't even come close to at this age, especially without my moms help. Don't give me wrong, babies are a precious gift from God, a blessing in disguise. I've always felt a baby symbolizes a new start, a fresh beginning. To have a baby at the tender age of 16, 17, 18 means growing in a matter of nine months.
I will admit, I respect the girls of "Teen Mom." They're holding down their responsbilities as mothers, especially Maci and Amber. I feel "Teen Mom" shows the strength and intergity of young women. But, if can avoid becoming a teen mother, I feel that all teenagers should. With several different contraceptives out in this world, teenagers don't have an excuse. Honestly, watching the struggles and drama the girls of "Teen Mom" deal with has definitely delievered its message to me. At eighteen transfering to a universitiy, traveling throughout the world and living my life should be my only priorities.
I will admit, I respect the girls of "Teen Mom." They're holding down their responsbilities as mothers, especially Maci and Amber. I feel "Teen Mom" shows the strength and intergity of young women. But, if can avoid becoming a teen mother, I feel that all teenagers should. With several different contraceptives out in this world, teenagers don't have an excuse. Honestly, watching the struggles and drama the girls of "Teen Mom" deal with has definitely delievered its message to me. At eighteen transfering to a universitiy, traveling throughout the world and living my life should be my only priorities.
Monday, January 18, 2010
Let Shannon Dunk!
If you don't know, the NBA All-Star weekend will be in February. One of the popular events is the slam dunk contest. Well there was issue with letting Shannon Brown enter the dunk contest and blow out his competition. Since Brown has such dedicated fans, there was a site made called "Let Shannon Dunk," the site has team player testimonials on how amazing Brown is and how he should be in the line up for the slam dunk contest. I just found out, he will be in the slam dunk contest. Ahhh I get to see my future hubby win.
Raquel Reed
Raquel Reed is one of my favorite models out in this world. I love her style and swag. She's such a beautiful person and now she's indulging in a music career. If you know of Jeffree Star, you know about Miss Reed.
Jean Paul Gaultier for Target
Jean Paul Gaultier for Target.
March 7th is when Jean Paul Gaultier line for Target hits 250 locations across the U.S.
The prices vary from $17.99 for swimwear pieces to $59.99 for a trench coat to $199.00 for a leather jacket. It seems the year 2010 is looking bright for the fashion lovers who don't have thousands
of dollars to blow off. I'm happy designers are looking out for people like myself. Looking
great for a reasonable price.
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Zac Posen for TARGET!
Golden Globes
The 67th Annual Golden Globe Awards were today. The women were on point this year. Here are my favorite dresses on the red carpet.
Sandra Bullock
looked stunning in a deep purple gown.
She won for Best Actress in a Motion Picture, Drama: The Blindside!
* I was so happy when she won, one of my favorite actresses.
Mo'nique
is always flawless on the red carpet but she looked beautiful.
She won Best Supporting Actress in a Motion Picture: Precious
* She deserved that award and she deserves an Oscar. She was amazing in Precious.
Toni Collette
She looked stunning as usual.
Won for Best Actress, TV Comedy: Toni Collette, The United States of Tara
* She's on my favorite actress list as well.
Lea Michele: Glee
Olivia Wilde in Gucci: she looked amazing!
Dianna Argon: Glee
* She looked beautiful.
Emily Blunt
Penelope Cruz
* She never disappoints.
Drew Barrymore
Always cleans up nice.
Anna Kendrick
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
go under a rock, please.
Heidi Montag, a person I wish can disappear. So, she's on the cover of this weeks "People" magazine admitting she's addicted to plastic surgery. *Pause. How does this impact my life?
There are thousands of people in Haiti who are suffering from a natural disaster and this piece of trash is consider worthy of news coverage. I'm a journalism major and news coverage of celebrities and things people can live without is considered "soft news," news the public is interested in, sadly.
In my honest opinion, I wish this chick and her attention whore husband can go back to Heidi's home state of Colorado and live under a rock. Also, she admits that her debut album cost TWO MILLION dollars. Are you kidding me? Heidi Montag is the definition of foolishness, I can't stand foolishness.
News stations need to cover real shit, pardon my language but they do.
Also, if this chick what's to get plastic surgery until she dies, let her. She's fake anyways.
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